He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All the doctor said was why
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
