lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
