maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
