I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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