I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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