Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
