Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
