the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
