On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
