Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize