I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
