I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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