does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
