I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
