I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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