Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
