ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
