It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Life is so much better after having sex.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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