standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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