Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
