Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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