I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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