dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
