glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
