On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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