i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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