Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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