At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
