Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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