Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
