How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
