why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
