GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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