ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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