ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
