so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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