I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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