I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
