I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
