you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize