More tranny stories later!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
