We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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