ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sacagawea was the original milf.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
