Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
