guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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