I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
