i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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