He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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