He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
pray to the hookup gods
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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