R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
