I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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