its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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