I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
