Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
