What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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