i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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