i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
