We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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