He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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