I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
