Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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