There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
