I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
