why didn't you poke me back
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
