Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
