so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
