Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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