Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
