You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I want to have your abortion
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
