we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
