I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
