What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
