why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
